~Upcoming Birthday Thoughts~

 My Birthday is coming up and to be honest nothings changed besides drama with people i never thought would happen Ive come to realize that you cant trust no one not even your family there are only a few i trust and i know wont betray me ...well i hope not but on topic  i just feel like somethings missing there are so much dreams i have and i don't know how to make them real i want to accomplish something in life i wanna do something that's helps people whether it be in health love ect...  but i don't know what it is im supposed to do on earth i believe everyone was meant to do something in life they have talents like singing writing ways with words miracle worker with there hands but me idk i haven't figured out what that is i don't know if I'm blocking whatever I'm supposed to be doing cause i put up so much walls to protect myself from mistakes like my family has made i just don't know its like im having a look inside me and wondering is this all I'm meant to do is this my destiny . I'm wondering if im sabotaging my own destiny by not finding my purpose in life cause someday i want to fall in love with my soul-mate and have a family but idk if that will happen if i cant find out what I'm meant to do i  wish i can go on a vision quest soul search to know what my path is in life ...

true happiness

have you ever felt like your life has no purpose like you were only born to do what your doing now like your never going to be happy even if you try and try it seems like you cant get to that end of the rainbow ? i try and try to be optimistic but it gets hard cause its like i can never find that true happiness but i strive each day to find it i got to have faith that i will one day find it ....

~ Have You Ever~

Have you ever felt sad,hurt,betrayed,replaced all at the same time . have you felt like you cared for people and they just turned there backs on you the first sign of not agreeing with your decisions like one minute everything is ok and then Poof! its not . have you ever tried to be someone else and then when you finally get to the point that you start being yourself its taken from you have you ever felt like your being replaced by someone people barley knew compared to how long they've known you like they don't even miss you like every time you turn around its how much they care for that person and how much they love being around that person ect ect .. and its not like your jealous or anything its just it hurts to see how much they love that person and how easily they can toss you aside like u never existed like they never cared that's what hurts its like a knife getting twisted in your heart and beliefs cause in a million years you would never have thought they could do that.  

~Life~

Life is a wonderful thing and it can also be a hard thing to live where u experience happy moments but there are also times where u experience bad moments in life . u go through struggles n pain so i guess I'm wondering is there ever a time where you feel happy all the time is there such a thing? well i got to think there is such a thing i have to have hope cause what is a life with out a little bit of happiness and love....